WARLOCK 1972 DEMONIC HEAVY PSYCH FUNK LP SCARY LISTEN

$

46

WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS…

WARLOCK "Warlock"

Original 1972 LP on the MUSIC MERCHANT label, STEREO MM102

Cover:  EXCELLENT, minor corner wear

Vinyl:  A-side plays EXCELLENT, B-side plays VG+ with light clicks/pops (prob due to pressing)

I’ll be honest here, folks – I just want this thing out of my house.  I mean, Tipper Gore and the PMRC can say what they want about Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin, but anyone whose seen Ozzy or Jimmy Page lately knows that if they did indeed sell their soul to Satan, then it must’ve been in exchange for a lifetime supply of cheeseburgers.  And what did the Prince of Darkness get in exchange?  Ozzfest and the soundtrack album to Death Wish II?  Not much of a deal after all, is it?

Now, on the other side of the Axis of Evil, take a look at the cover of this album from 1972 by Warlock.  A big ol’ winged demon, half-goat, half-man…er, half woman I guess by the looks of those satanic meat balloons…boldly soaring over a Technicolor backdrop that looks like the pavement if you dropped all four Teletubbies off the Sears Tower (and don’t think I’ve tried).  If you don’t think that’s pure unadulterated evil, boys and girls, then maybe you need to go back to your cute little Saw movies.

For those expecting sword-and-sorcery type Valhalla-I-am-coming bombastic prog rock inside, think again.  You may have thought Led Zep and Sabbath were the s*&t of heavy demon rock back in the early 70’s – heck, I did too until I turned twelve – but anyone really worth their Necronomicon knows that real Devil Rock is soul and funk.  ‘Cuz that’s sex music, and the Devil’s all about sex.  Let’s face it, if the Devil were really more interested in drawing barbarians and dragons on the paper bag bookcovers of his grade school Social Studies textbooks, then he’d be into Rush and Sabbath too.  But no one ever got laid listening to 2112 and Satan knows that – he wants the hot chicks and knows the only way to get ‘em is to make ‘em dance.  And sweat.  And grind.  And then his goat half takes over.

Since this is real Devil music, the Warlock kids take the soul/funk route, natch, and let loose with forty minutes of heavy grooves, like Rare Earth or early 70’s Love, or Curtis Knight when he was down in the village.  Leave the epic tales of Snow Dogs and Valhalla to the little boys with the ZoSo T-shirts – when the Warlock men sing, it’s about the “Thrills of Love” and chances are it’s a frenzy of white-hot psychedelic funk that gets your wife more worked up than an all-night Encore Channel Richard Gere marathon.  Then they turn around and pack some black-hearted sweaty sex-fueled saxophone soul into a seemingly well-meaning housewife-friendly title like “Love Girl.”  All the better to lure doe-eyed female fans of David Gates into Warlock’s little inner circle of sex funk and sin.  I tell ya, these boys are ruthless.

Even when they get psychedelic, it’s still dark – the menacingly-titled 13-minute “As You Die” falls somewhere between the moody acid rock of Mandrake Memorial and the extended jazzy jam sessions of Santana.  And if that doesn’t sound demonic enough for ya, just remember that the young Anton LaVey was often heard cruising through his neighborhood in his beat-up ’68 Nova blasting “Oye Como Va.”  On 8-track.  Now that’s evil.

Look, I’ll be honest, I don’t know how much longer I can resist this sheep-headed Succubus and her black-hearted grooves of temptation, so please, someone with a stronger conviction than me, kindly take this album off my hands.  I like sexy covers as much as any red-blooded American male, but this Baywatch Baphomet – this Bovine Derek – she just gives me the creeps.  Sure, she’s topless (and most likely enhanced with some Stygian silicone), but when I said I wanted a girlfriend just like Kelly Monaco, I didn’t say you could graft the head of an Angora Sheep on her body.  I’m sure there are a few farmhands out in Nebraska who’ve had a few wet dreams that look like this album cover, but not me.  To me, it’s just pure, unfiltered, demonic evil.  I won’t even think about playing this one backwards.

 HEAR IT!

The less exciting stuff

Media mail shipping with delivery confirmation starts at $4.00 in the US, with each additional record only $1 additional shipping.  ALL DOMESTIC ORDERS REQUIRE DELIVERY CONFIRMATION, WHICH IS AN EXTRA 75 CENTS.  Air mail shipping to Canada starts at $10 US, each additional record $2 shipping.  Air mail shipping everywhere else in the world starts at $16 US, with each additional record only $3 shipping.  ALL FOREIGN ORDERS REQUIRE CERTIFICATE OF SHIPMENT, WHICH IS AN EXTRA $1.10.  I accept payments through Paypal. 

I try to grade as best as I can, and I list as many blemishes/imperfections I can find (writing, ringwear, scuff marks, etc.) – Also, please note that I DO listen to these albums – I may not listen to every track, but my grades are based on LISTENING, not just looking at it, since chances are you’ll be listening to the record you buy, not just looking at it.  Most of the albums I sell are the ones I’ve enjoyed for years – and I treat my records with kid gloves.  But sounds speak louder than words, so check out the sound clips below – they’re from the actual record you’re bidding on. 

SHIPPING AND PACKAGING

Listen, I buy a bunch of records too (when I’m not getting outbid at the last second, which is more often than not) – and I know what it’s like to get a rare, one-of-a-kind album packaged dangerously in a flimsy bubblewrap package.  I hate that too.  So rest assured, I ALWAYS package albums with stiff cardboard reinforcements, same for 45s.  And yes, the records are removed from the sleeves (for albums).  I ship out once a week, every Friday, because I have a regular day job.  But I’d be willing to give that up if you’d all be so kind as to bid my items up to stupidly high amounts. 

And finally, I include delivery confirmation on all shipments inside the US.  This is my proof of shipment, and also helps us to track your package if it doesn’t arrive when it should.  I will email you within 2 days of shipment and give you the confirmation number at that time.  Insurance is always optional, but for larger orders, it’s highly recommended.   I DO NOW REQUIRE THAT ALL FOREIGN BUYERS PAY AN ADDITIONAL $1.10 FOR PROOF OF SHIPMENT.  IT'S A NOMINAL FEE AND THE CHEAPEST WAY FOR ME TO PROVE THAT I ACTUALLY SHIPPED YOUR PACKAGE AND DIDN'T JUST POCKET YOUR MONEY AND SKIP TOWN.  For more security and international tracking, you may request GLOBAL PRIORITY MAIL - but bear in mind the cost of this service is upwards of $30.  For expensive items, however, it may be well worth it.  Unfortunately, there isn’t a cost-effective way of tracking parcels to foreign countries yet, and shipping times vary depending on your country’s postal system.   Italy in particular seems to be really bad at delivering packages quickly, or delivering packages at all, now that you mention it.  I will always email you when your package ships, but once it’s on its way, please don’t ask me when it will arrive because I don’t know.  If the world’s postal systems can ever agree on a universal tracking system that’s affordable, I’ll be the first to use it.

NOW IT’S YOUR TURN…

I will always leave positive feedback for successful transactions, and would appreciate the same in return.  All I ask of you is the following – please pay for your items within 14 days of the close of auction.  Compared to other sellers, that’s a generous amount of time, so if you don’t pay within 2 weeks, then I have to assume something’s wrong.  You’ll get an Ebay payment reminder at that point, and possibly a decapitated horse head in your bed.  If, after 30 days, you still haven’t forked up the cash, I’ll relist the item and yell at you if I ever see you in town.